I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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