anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
