On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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