Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
