i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She announced her abortion via fbk
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
