how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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