he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
