What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
