so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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