I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
