He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
