Just fell off a train. Bad.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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