i wish my penis had a tongue
if i died would you start the facebook group?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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