The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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