I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
