I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
did you just send me my own nude
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
