I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
