mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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