And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
