After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
