The brown eye won't let me do that either.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
