I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you made out with another girl for some wings
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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