Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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