Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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