I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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