I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
