he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
