I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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