Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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