Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Randomize
