I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
