Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
