We won't sleep together?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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