y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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