We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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