I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
