Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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