i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
