is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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