I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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