Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
