I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
