I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
