I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
