forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
