Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
