He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
