well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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