Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
