Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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