Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
