ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
