why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
