Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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